Category: General

Increase your emotional intelligence (Third part)

In the past two weeks you have been familiar with the self-observation. This week we'll add another aspect to this important skill.

We will continue our attention to our emotions whenever we note that there is a change in mood.

We are wondering: “How do I feel at this time?”, We define emotion as we have learned and now Exercise result imageadditionally we wonder: ” What part of my body I'm feeling “the emotion”?”. This is important to bring attention to different parts of the body and observe their reaction.

This part may initially be difficult, because we are not used to deliberately set ourselves on physical sensations. However we realize that our body physically reacts to every emotion. For now it does not need to describe the feeling, Instead of simply acknowledging the presence. Any body part can be affected by an emotion, However, certain parts of the body that react most likely, as are the head, throat, stomach, shoulders and back.


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With this exercise you are going to know yourselves slowly, and knowledge is power. You are the only ones who can access that internal information and even psychologists rely on good self-observation of its clients to obtain relevant information about the person. You're going to notice that just an observation will lead to major changes in your life, because an emotion does not have the same force to act when under surveillance. This does not mean you should try to manipulate emotion, we have not yet reached this point. Attempt to intervene without developing enough skills can lead to the opposite.

If you feel trapped or notes a constant presence of negative emotions like sadness anger an fear in a high measure during the obseravation, ontact me or other professional who can help you get to know the underlying causes.



I wish you a happy week and I hope you have the benefit much exercise at all levels of your life.


Melanie Gramer

Increase my Emotional Intelligence (Second part)

In the first week you have seen emotions which are often present in you. Perhaps you have noticed that it is not always easy to identify and define the emotion. In the second week we will continue with this exercise but slightly modified. Work last week you've grown accustomed to bring your attention to your emotions, Now we want to identify the really critical moments.
We will use the question “How do I feel at this time?” this means always if we notice Exercise result imagethere is a change in your mood, e.g. if you change your feeling cheerful, positive or neutral to feel sad, angry, fear or any other negative emotion.

It is easy to see just this moment but what we practice it.

Notice that you can choose from a wide range of emotions:

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Remember currently only identify the moments of change in mood and named the emotion that we feel. This is not to judge you by what you feel or try to change.

You're doing a great job and soon you will notice the benefits of emotional intelligence in your life.

If you feel that your emotions are overflowing exceeding you or you consume your energy, If you feel constantly sad, angry or fears please contact me or other.

Melanie Gramer

Exercise to increase self-awareness

This exercise will help you put yourself in the position of self-observation. The more we observe objectively,
the more we will go more in detail knowing and understanding each resulting in a more compassionate and loving attitude towards ourselves and leads to a higher self-esteem and greater well-being

It is best to read the exercise several times before doing so to guide you yourself mentally without having to read the text.

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Sit comfortably in a chair or lie on the bed / couch or floor. Close your eyes and breathe deeply three times.

Take a moment to feel the pulse in your hands and your heartbeat.

Pay attention as your belly breathing seesaw.

Note all parts of your body and notice if they are tense or relaxed.

Now mentally put yourself three steps behind yourself and start watching you without thinking or judging. Watch your physical sensations, your posture, your emotions and finally your thoughts. Sand aware that can decide whether to let them fully absorb or take a stand observer.
Repeat the phrase mentally three times: “I am an observer of my own emotions and thoughts.”

Breathe deeply three times again and reopen your eyes.

If you want to participate in a workshop on mindfulness and self-awareness in Alicante or you are interested in individual therapy contact me. I'd like to help you.

And always patient and gentle with yourself for where you are now is exactly where you belong. Take it as a starting point and embark on a journey to yourself.

Melanie Gramer

VES method to practice mindfulness in nature

The following exercise is a technique that can be applied anytime and anywhere. However it is easier to relax in natural surroundings, when we take a walk, We are on the beach in a park etc.. It will help us to relax more easily and be more aware of around us and how we perceive.

Apply the following exercise as often as possible for at least 2-3 minutes.


Take your time and look around. Try to view without giving names to things you see, Imagine that you saw for the first time. Look at the details, the colors, the shape, the left overs, There is something stiff movement or etc.

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then listen, What can you hear, Look at the sounds of wind, Water, animals etc.. No grips mentally, just let them go and observe without judging or naming anything.


To feel:
Now come closer to an object, a flower, a tree, the ground beneath your feet and touch. How do you feel? Is cold, or hot, hard or soft, wet or dry etc.?

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Then bring your attention to your breath and the sensations in your body.

Try to breathe slowly and deeply without forcing anything.

Realize that there is a connection between you and what you observe, hear and feel, it's really you where those feelings exist.
Keep a few seconds, If you want to close your eyes and breathe deeply.

If you are interested in exploring the topic consultation dates for upcoming workshops or contact me here to arrange individual therapy sessions.

I wish you all the best for your path to wellness and happiness.

3 Steps to practice mindfulness in waiting times

In total we spent about 5 years of our lives for waiting…in the traffic jam, line at the supermarket, in front of the cinema box office, to board the plane…

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In our life we ​​find such situations almost daily. They make us feel that we are wasting time. However this time can become very valuable moments for our personal growth.

If applying the following exercise of mindfulness regularly in waiting situations we can not only eliminate the desperation at the time expected to cause stress and long-term stress but also increase your knowledge about yourself and introduce patterns of important behavior for more quietness and wellness.

1. It recognizes the potential waiting time to work on your personal growth.

2. Focuses attention on your breath and watch.

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3. Ask yourself: What do I think at this time? What do I feel right now?think resultado de imagen de and feel
Try just observe your thoughts and feelings without judging or trying to change them.


See the schedule for upcoming workshops in Mindfulness.

If you are interested in a private consultation or individual therapy contact me.

5 reasons to practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness is a meditative method that allows us to become aware of our physical sensations, emotions and thoughts.
Therefore it is an indispensable tool of modern psychology.
The benefits of MIndfulness are innumerable, I will list only some of the most important.

Reduce stress and moments of restlessness:
Mindfulness training reduces psychological stress like anxiety, nervousness and restlessness.
A recent study showed for example that its application increased the quality of life in patients with breast cancer.

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Less pain and lower consumption of medicine and drugs:
It has been shown that patients, who were trained in the techniques of mindfulness, were more tolerant of physical pain and significantly reduced the amount of pain medication.

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Lose weight:
With the help of mindfulness, meals they are taken in a more conscious way. Stress reduction reduces the desire to eat large amounts of sugar and fat.

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Prevent depressive episodes:
Mindfulness in combination with cognitive-behavioral therapy reduces the probability of a recurrent depressive episode by half.

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Eliminate insomnia:
The effect of mindfulness training is comparable with taking sleeping pills. And it is not only free from harmful effects on the body, but also have a positive impact on the physical and mental health and this will be more if it is use long-term (with practice).

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Anti-Aging affect:
Mindfulness meditation activates the enzyme “telomerasa” that -according to new research- slows the aging of the body.

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CECI method to silence the destructive thoughts

Our thoughts are with us at all times, give us advice, they criticize us, evaluate situations and people around us. Thoughts are not separate entities, but they are strongly linked with our emotions and physical sensations and therefore influence our emotional well-being.

The mind is wonderful and we have learned to identify with its contents. However it is important to note, its function is not to make us feel good, but to ensure survival of the body and “selfconcept” (the idea we have of us, our personality).
Many mental patterns we've learned throughout our lives were formed in situations where experience unconstructive criticism, desvaloraciones, humiliations etc. .Today we are detrimental to remain active.

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To unlearn these patterns of harmful thoughts we apply the method CECI most often:

1. Consciousness:

Become aware of your thoughts and assumes a critical attitude and as objective as possible

2. Establish:

Decide always whether it is a “productive thought” or “a destructive thought”.
(If arouses positive emotions it is productive, If evokes concern, anxiety, envy, furious, You feel sad, feeling of beeing not enough …, it is destructive)

3. Challenge:

Defy destructive “thoughts”. Ask yourself if the content is true, Use your logical mind to it, investigate, try to be objective.

4. Interruption:

Realize that you can decide not to follow a chain of thoughts.Result image break the chain
A destructive thought usually does not come alone, it awakens a whole chain of thoughts of the same character.
When you're aware of the chain of thoughts you can interrupt realizing that the content is not (It needs not be) true, probable or functional.

Be patient and do not underestimate the power of your destructive thoughts.
Note that at some point you have served and confirming that take a long time so it is not easy to convince them of their worthlessness.

If you feel you need help to implement the tools and want to have an individualized advice, not hesitate to Contact me.

And do not forget that wherever you are in your process of self-growth, it is exactly where you belong.

Comments are always welcome

Be more creative in 4 Steps

1. Recognize the creative potential
Creativity is an innate ability which all have. However many times we are not aware of it because our culture and educational system does not favor and we have been taught that it is neither necessary nor beneficial to be creative.
Not only in doing artistic activities we can make use of it but anytime, It is a wonderful tool to feel authentic and thus increase self-esteem and well-being.

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2. Recognize creativity as a source of happiness
Be creative brings happiness.
Psychological explanation: Being creative we reinvent ourselves, we are authentic and the mind gets the message ” I am a creative person and I like to experiment and discover and I am unique in this world”which it has a positive effect on self-esteem.
Spiritual explanation: We are creative beings and by not living consciously this ability, we close the source of our happiness, by denying our origins.

3. Choose creativity
Children act naturally creatively because they have not yet developed the system limitations, standards and self-criticism.
As adults we must consciously choose to be creative and often more comfortable following a routine. Creative paths can be scary to some degree because it means leaving the comfort zone.

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4. Eliminate the self-critical voice
The voice of self-criticism is, apart from fear of the unknown, what most prevents us from living our creativity. We follow the routine because creative ideas are immediately attacked by the self-critical voice which doubt in our abilities.. If we pay attention we will keep on comfort zone we finally become more and more unhappy. Life is too short to stay in a cage that seeks to protect our ego, something that does not really matter for our well-being.

Examples for acts of the critical voice:

The creative voice: “I would like to bike to work”

The self-critical voice: “This is a waste of time, and if something happens to you, the streets are not made to ride with bike, and if it rains, and if you arrive late and if…”

The creative voice: “I want to create a blog with recipes from my grandmother.”

The critical voice: “But you know how many blogs this type already exist, nobody will visit. You'll feel terrible.”

The creative voice: “I would work myself and be more positive, I might…”

The self-critical voice: “You do not have enough patience / discipline / perseverance… “You're not a person,who…”

It is essential to recognize the critical voice and challenge its content to rediscover our creative potential and enhance our happiness.

Listen to your creative voice, Dare to be a little child, a little shameless, a little daring a little freer, a little happier… and gradually more and more.

And remember, wherever you are now, it is exactly where you belong.

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To arrange a personal counseling or session therapy contact me.

If you are interested in Alicante workshops on personal growth topics send me a message and inform you about upcoming events.

8 steps to recognize and overcome self-criticism

In everyday life we ​​are often in situations that make us feel disappointed or even angry with ourselves.
We need to realize that we are continually evaluating and judging our own behavior when compared with an unrealistic “ideal” that we have created mentally.
If reality does not come close enough to our created ideal, the voice in our minds devalues ​​us. In the short term we can provide a higher yield long as we deal with it properly, But long-term excessive self-criticism block us and hruts us, introducing negative feelings like sadness, anxiety and so on.
If we want to improve our internal dialogue it is necessary to detect self-criticism and establish a more functional and beneficial inner dialogue for our objectives and our mental and physical health. If you follow the following 8 steps I promise you that you will see incredible changes.

1. Realize the situations that change your mood abruptly.

2. Detect thoughts in those situations that affect you negatively.

For example: “I never do anything right.” “I'm useless.” “I will never be as… . ” “I can not anymore, I'm not enough…”

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3. Realize that this is an error and not truth. Ask yourself: It is true? It is probable? I'm exaggerating?

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4. Create a more realistic and functional alternative.

For example: “I did not well today because I'm tired.” “I have not yet come, where I want to go, but I'm moving.” “Now I think I can not anymore but I know much more than I think.”

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5. Benefit from your mistakes. Ask yourself: “What can I do to avoid the same thing happening again?” “What do I need to learn?” “Where I can get help?”

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6. Be patient: Gradually change things and if you're impatient just add another stress factor in your life. Note how long you've been criticizing.

7. Be persevering: The brain is like a muscle that must be exercised constantly to act healthily and beneficial.

8. Be thankful, that you use your energy to improve your well-being.


And do not forget that where you are now is exactly where you belong.

10 Steps out of the comfort zone

Our comfort zone is the area of ​​our lives, which is familiar to us. Our family and friends, the workplace, the morning traffic jam on the highway, the dispute with the partner and the subsequent reconciliation and so on. There we feel safe. Dieses Gefühl der Sicherheit steht aber in direktem Gegensatz zu unserem menschlichen Bedürfnis kreativ zu sein und Neues zu entdecken. Therefore, the comfort zone can turn into a personal prison in the long run, geprägt von Routine und geschwächtem Selbstbewusstsein, because we trust ourselves less and less. To leave the comfort zone can be scary, denn es bedeutet unsicheres Territorium zu betreten. Langfristig gesehen, ist es aber die einzige Möglichkeit unsere Kenntnisse zu erweitern und den Glauben an uns selbst zu stärken und unsere Fähigkeiten zu erweitern. Deshalb zeige ich euch heute die wichtigsten Schritte raus aus der Zone des Komforts.

  1. Define your comfort zone. What's trusted to you?

  2. Define your learning zone: Where do you expand your knowledge?

  3. Define your panic zone/ magic zone: Of which you have always dreamed of?

  4. Define goals. Important is, that your goals are achievable and measurable and are located either in your learning area or in your panic zone.

  5. Defining five steps each, which are necessary, to achieve your goal. Start with the simplest.

  6. Write a date to each step and your final destination , a day / time depending on, what can best be reconciled with the respective step.

  7. Determine for each step potential obstacles. (e. B. Lack of time / money / fears / lack of knowledge etc.)

  8. Determine your resources and opportunities, how can you deal with these obstacles. (Searching / planning / patience / help of friends, etc.)

  9. Start today. (What one thing can you walk towards your goals today)

  10. Watch your progress: Be aware, that each step, that removes you from your comfort zone, brings you closer to your goals. Insecurities and fears are normal, forgive yourself regress or small mistakes, Perfectionism is not necessary to achieve these objectives. Praise yourself for your courage. Zielerreichung result image